dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
