I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize