you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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