The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
