Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
BRING THE BAGELS
Randomize
