Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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