Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
