i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i need some magic done to my vagina
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
