i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
