Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
