I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
