today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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