How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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