I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
