make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
