all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Randomize
