We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize