what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
