end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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