I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
