We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
