Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
