I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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