he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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