I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
