just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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