shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
