I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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