i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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