3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
