i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
