drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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