how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
