I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize