8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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