it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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