if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
