Soap is not a condiment
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
