If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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