She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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