Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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