I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
