The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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