That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
