just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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