just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
