feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
