While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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