i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
