I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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