every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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