you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
