the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
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