he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I will be naked everywhere
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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