just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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