I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My feet surprised me
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
