I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
