I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
