Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
