It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
