I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize