I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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