Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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