I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
