Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
