rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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