He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
