i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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