Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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