I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize