she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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