cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize