You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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