let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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