Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
