The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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