Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
