you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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