who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
