During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Let's get the cat blown out
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
