I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize