even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
A bitchslap is in order.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
