I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
