If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
