office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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