I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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