I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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