how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
