I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
