Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
