He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Randomize
