Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
